FAIL AND TAKE CARE

Some days I feel like I am failing miserably at the whole mom thing. Nothing is going right and the kids are literally driving me to the ledge. Every mom, not just BWS moms, know what I am talking about. However, as a BWS mom these feelings become so inflated. The mom guilt is magnified a million more times. I can confidently say that because I was a mom for three years before Owen came. I was the mom of a child that had no special needs or special circumstances and I felt those feelings then. I had the mom guilt. I had the exasperation. Now, as a mom of two, one of which needs extra care, those feelings are absolutely magnified. And let me tell you I am constantly beating myself up. I am constantly feeling like I failed. I am constantly feeling like I lost my cool. I feel I am never doing enough. Not all days feel this way but most do. As mothers, we have to wear so many different hats. We have to be mom, wife, money maker, master chef, house cleaner, homemaker, dry cleaner, chauffeur, and still manage to be OURSELVES. I somehow still have to fit being THERESA in there somewhere. And lets face it, most times Theresa doesn’t make the cut. What makes me Theresa gets pushed to the side. And why wouldn’t it? You have so many other responsibilities and sacrifices to make. How could you possibly take time for yourself when you have children, one of which needs extra love and care? If I can give any advice to moms, especially BWS mommies, take care of yourself! The only way you can remain everything your child needs you to be is if you take time to be who you are. Take the time to  do something for yourself. Take the time to invest in yourself. I am not saying that doesn’t come with the mom guilt. It will. But that is OK. It is okay to feel the guilt. It means you love your children and are trying so hard to be everything they need. One thing I have learned over the past year is that our BWS babies are FIGHTERS! They are strong, willful, determined, and incredibly happy. They smile while fighting through some of the worst situations. They do so because that is all they know. They do so because that is their life and they have no other way to face it. Owen rarely ever shows fear so why should I? He is the one physically going through everything he has to face and yet I am the one that shows fear. Sometimes we get inside our own head and over analyze ourselves. I have a challenge for you. When you have those days where you feel like you are failing, when you feel like you aren’t being the best mom you can be for your children, look at them. Just pause and look at your child. I guarantee you your feelings will change. Try and see what your children see. Your children see an incredibly strong, beautiful, loving mom who is trying to give them the world. Who is trying her damn hardest to help them get through their diagnosis. Your children know your worth even when you don’t know it yourself. Look at them and see yourself through their eyes and any negative feelings that were creeping in about yourself will melt. Your children will continue to see how amazing you are if you continue to take time for yourself to do what you love. If you love to read then take time to curl up with a blanket, glass of wine, and read. If you love to play sports then join a league and play your heart out. If you love to write, then sit down and start your book. If you love fashion then wear something fabulous everyday, whether you get baby blow outs on it or not. If you love tattoos then go get yourself one!(I sure did) And if you are ever faced with no longer being able to do what you love then mourn that lose and reinvent yourself! Let me tell you, it is possible. My life made me have to give up basketball which was something that made me who I am. A spinal fusion, multiple injections, and medications later I can no longer play. I was angry, sad, defeated. But you know what? I found out there is more to me that I am capable of. I just needed to lose something to realize it. I love to write. I never realized how much until now. Our busy lives as moms will sometimes suck the life out of us. Quite literally. It can drain us of who we are. Don’t let it! Just like our BWS babies wont let their syndrome keep them in the corner, don’t let being a mom keep who are on the bench…

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