Marriage. Why do I feel like it’s not talked about really? What I mean is, why do I feel like people never show the ugly side of it? The side that we aren’t the most proud of. The side that we purposely shield from others on our Instagrams and Facebooks. The side thats raw and real. The yelling, the anger, the stress, the struggles, the pain, the disagreements. I know. It seems like I am getting a little dark here, but really sit down and think about your marriage. Some of these not so awesome aspects of marriage apply to you and yours. And they apply to me and mine.
My husband and I met in high school. We were best friends turned sweethearts my freshman year of college. He was and always will be my royal pain in the ass. I guess that’s my fault, I did marry the guy! (KIDDING!) The truth is, I’ve always loved my husband, since I met him basically. But just because you love someone, doesn’t mean there aren’t times you really hate each other for one reason or another.
Our marriage has been tested beyond limits I ever knew it could reach. It’s had ups, downs, and in betweens. And honestly, It got pretty close to the edge a few times. And other times it was as if our marriage was just coasting. But when would you ever think that based on my posts? I don’t share any of that stuff on social media. But it’s all real. It’s my marriage – tough, tiring, stressful, and maddening. But it also is strong, exciting, calming, and joyful. I feel the need to bring all this up and show both sides, because no marriage comes without the other half.
There are so many things that test a marriage, such as health issues or a child with additional needs. Lucky for us we have both! My third back surgery is right around the corner and with Owen’s diagnoses we have definitely been tested more than ever before. And those tests were hard! I mean seriously, did they need to be that hard?! Whether it was the looming pressure of stress from another back surgery, or the anger from disagreements about Owen, we were tested time and time again. And every time we would survive and get past it, we would be back where we started, but with something else. I know that it will continue this way. We will be tested again someway somehow. But thats okay, because we will pass the test. We always do. I know that sounds corny, but I realized when you’re tested time and time again, you have no other choice but to try and survive. And each time you survive you get stronger together. Think about that. You just made it through hell and back, through whatever the circumstances were. You wanted to kill each other. Yet you SURVIVED IT TOGETHER. Through the trials you are building your strength together.
That is not to say that during the next fight you aren’t both going to want to kill each other. It’s not to say you wont still want to smother your husband with a pillow when he his snoring in his sleep. (Why does that thought seem familiar?) What it is to say, is that the tough times in marriage- the ones no one likes to talk about, are the times that are critical. If, god-forbid, Owen was diagnosed with cancer, the amount of strength and survival we would need to get through that is monstrous. I think about that right now and I immediately wonder where I would get that strength from. I don’t think I could muster that strength from anywhere. We would need to have the fight in us to survive something like that. The fight that could come from the hundreds of disagreements my husband and I have. The fights that almost broke us, yet we remained unbroken. The only way we can take on the next obstacle in life is if we conquer the one in front of us.
Marriage is messy, It’s hard. It’s annoying. It’s A LOT OF WORK. It’s tiring. It’s angering. But it also is beautiful. It’s fulfilling. It’s comforting. Its our happiness. I learned today, that I need to be more accepting to the ugly sides of marriage. I need to accept them as a challenge, that I know my husband and I will conquer. We need to step up to the plate together and accept marriage and the hard parts as a challenge, because we really never know what pitch is going to come next..
XOXO The Thomas Family